Twitter acquired Posterous around March, 2012. I didn’t think they’d close so soon, I mean what’s the point of an acquisition only to dissolve the newly acquired company? Well, come 30 April, Posterous will go the way of the dodo. I’ve been a pretty active user on Posterous so it’s pretty upsetting news for me.

I am currently looking for a perfect new home for Quirks. So far, nothing has captured my attention. After signing up for an Instagram account, I quickly learned its limitations so Instagram’s a no go and I’m not keen on people reposting my images with Tumblr.

Quirks on Posterous will be available until 30 April 2013 or until it’s moved to a new home – whichever comes first. *Sigh*

Can’t believe the nerve of some people. Was sitting, enjoying a drink at The Coffee Bean and waiting for the girlfriend to finish her girly business at the waxing parlour when a wild aunty shows up. Before I go on, the place was pretty full of people so this lady asks me if she and her 3 kids could have my table.

Me: So, where do I sit?

Aunty: I don’t know, you find another table lah.

Me: How about, you do that? And you can forget about sharing my table… I like it quiet and clean.

Aunty: So you not going to help? I got children you know…

Me: I don’t care if you have great grand children, you’re ridiculous.

Aunty: So fucking rude!

Me: Well, at least I have a taaaable… *Kuailan smile & waves them away*

They wobbled away looking really bitter and mumbling shite… And me, well I’m still at the table laughing my ass off.

It’s been a while since I’ve had anything new. This is my first, last and only song of 2012, and it’s dedicated to my sayang. Enjoy!

Hey Rachel

It’s Saturday and I’m awake,
Earlier than usual,
I lie in bed… refuse to move,
Just wanna watch you slumber,

You move about, you pull the sheets
I hold your hands so gently,
A little twist, and in a heartbeat,
Your eyes look into mine.

*
Hey Rachel, I’m so silly,
Feeling like a little boy,
Hey Rachel, I’m so silly,
But you complete me yeah.

It’s 2 oclock, when we head out,
Still wondering where to eat,
We drive about, and in an hour,
We stop at village park.

We talk about, that weird teenage girl,
With rice falling out of her mouth,
We giggle and laugh and in a heatbeat,
Your eyes look into mine.

*
Hey Rachel, I’m so lucky,
You make me feel like a million bucks,
Hey Rachel, I’m so lucky,
Cause you complete me yeah.

At the end of the day, tired and worn,
we’re safely back at home,
You’re showered and clean, but when you make me,
I always try to run away.

A little chat before, we sleep,
i tickle you to make you laugh,
we cuddle and kiss and in heartbeat,
Your eyes look into mine.

*
Hey Rachel, I’m so dizzy,
You make my world go round and round,
Hey Rachel, if you like it,
will you let me complete you?

Hey Rachel, you’re my Sayang,
Hey Rachel, you’re my sweetheart,
Hey Rachel, you’re my soulmate,
Hey Rachel, you’re my Sayang.

Today’s adventure is a bizarre one. It began this morning. The alarm rang and I dragged my skinny ass to the toilet to wash up. As soon as I stuck the toothbrush into my mouth I knew something was up with me bowels. My sayang and I had Nando’s for dinner the night before and while it has never caused me any toilet emergencies in the past, I think it could have been the cause. Well, I brushed the thought aside as soon as I thought about it and continued with my morning wash.

The drive to the office wasn’t pleasant and the unpleasantries began to escalate as I got nearer. Once I got to the office I offloaded some foul shit – the kind that’s illegal to talk or write about. Needless to say, the smell was something else as well. Regardless, I made three deposits in three and a half hours. Exhausted, I decided to go to the doctor’s and take the afternoon off.

On the drive home, my tummy decided to go ape-shit and I had to make an emergency stop at the Petronas station near SS2. Now I hate public toilets and I can’t conduct my personal business in them – especially petrol stations – but today, in fact, like every other day, I wasn’t about to soil my pants and car. They were at the gates, man! You better let them stinking gophers out!

Anyway, I rushed to the toilet and the lock was a little suspect but I couldn’t hold it in. Throwing caution to the wind, I slammed the door shut and in a blink of an eye, I felt a wave of relief. Now, as I was concluding my malodorous affair with an unfamiliar receptacle, the doors to my temporary palace of solace burst open to reveal a lady, a little on the heavy side, skirt up with nothing – god damned nothing to cover her proverbial cockles! I swear piss would have shot out and hit me right in the face if it weren’t for the smell of my crap wafting up into her nostrils. That and the fact that there was little old me in there.

The shocking and screwed up bit is – she wasn’t abashed about it at all, she actually cursed and slammed the door back shut, mumbling something in some dialect I couldn’t make out. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t pleasant and am thinking it could be a PRC woman.

Yours truly was stunned into silence for the duration of the whole ordeal – I only managed a mousy WTF at the end of it actually. In fact I was so stunned by the sudden intrusion, ghastly sight and blatant accusation that it was somehow my fault I think it may have cured my diarrhoea. Whoops, maybe not…  See ya.

If a person’s born with little to no intelligence and work hard to overcome their weakness, it’s admirable. But when people who are so densely vacuous and exceedingly lazy… Fuck it, they can’t see the forest for the trees let alone understand what that means. Or bother.

And every second, more of these… these STUZY THINGS appear. God bless us all.

If you don’t care for that nonsense, hit the jump to read on.

Fucking You, Fucking Me, Fucking Us and Fucking Them

There once were twin brothers, Fucking You and Fucking Me. They looked so much alike that even after closer inspection, you couldn’t tell if it was Fucking You or if it was Fucking Me. To make matters worse, they even behaved and sounded alike.

One day two strangers from a distant land came to the village where the 2 brothers lived. To everybody’s surprise, these strangers looked and sounded like Fucking You and Fucking Me. The twins, upon hearing news of these lookalikes, came out to the town square to meet them. They greeted them and found out that their names were Fucking Us and Fucking Them.

“Fuck! Shit just got real!” Fucking Me exclaimed.

They spoke and laughed at their similarities and figured that maybe Fucking Us and Fucking Them could be family or long lost brothers. Then Fucking You had an idea.

“Let’s ask mum!” he said and ran home to go get her.

Upon reaching the town square, Fucking Mama looked at the four men standing before her. She couldn’t believe her eyes! She could not tell her which one was Fucking You, Fucking Me, Fucking Us or Fucking Them.

Pointing to one of the men she asked, “Are you Fucking Me?”

“No Mama, I’m Fucking You” replied Fucking You.

“That’s Fucking Us and that’s Fucking Them. Are we brothers?”

“Yes, you are all brothers! I’m really sorry. We had to give Fucking Us and Fucking Them away because we couldn’t afford having quadruplets. But I must say your dad, Mother Fucker and I must have some strong genes! Look at the lot of you!” she replied, slowly.

She then squinted to make sure and asked, “Are you sure you’re not Fucking Me cause you look like you’re Fucking Me! And who’s Fucking You, Fucking Us and Fucking Them again?”

“I just said I’m Fucking You!” answered Fucking You a little annoyed.

Fucking Mama was so confused and the four men had to introduce themselves over and over for quite a while because Fucking Mama couldn’t believe the man she thought was Fucking Me was actually Fucking You and that Fucking Us could actually be Fucking Them or even Fucking You too.

Exasperated, she asked, “If Fucking Me is Fucking You and Fucking Us is actually Fucking Us and not Fucking Them who could be who he says he is, who the fuck is Fucking Me? Fucking You?

“YES!” said all four men.

Fucking Mama relieved at finally identifying them said with great satisfaction, “Well fuck me!”

“Already did! I just love Fucking Mama!” Said Mother Fucker, their dad, joining them at the square and they all broke out in laughter leaving the villagers in awe of what a fucked up family reunion they’ve just witnessed.

And like all good stories, they all fucking lived happily ever after.

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Living in a multi-cultural and multi-racial country in Asia, I’m privy cursed to meet people with the oddest, unname-like (that’s not even a fucking word, but necessary) names. It’s not so much the fact that they have weird names that bothers me but rather the fact that they would actually give themselves (and gone ahead and done just that) these crazy monikers. What worries me is that these people will breed, and their offspring will be genetically predisposed to give their young – you guessed it, crap names as well. I foresee future earth will be filled with silly names and mostly in pseudo English speaking Asian countries.

While I respect freedom of expression and creativity, I also respect a good, solid name. If you’re going to give yourself or your child an English or Western first name, make sure it’s a good one, done in good taste. Taste. I’ll leave that for another rant.

As I was saying, I’m absolutely positive that  almost all names of household items, popular foods, animals, and other inanimate items will not make good names. Great nicknames maybe but definitely not formal names in my book. Not content with the words available in the dictionary, I’ve seen some resort to using incomprehensible words – I’ll just call them sounds. In the future you’ll probably meet a person with a name that is pronounced the same way a klaxon would sound, or a dying camel – you get the picture. No wait. Sound. God bless us all.

Here’s a video of George Carlin sharing a similar view.

There are idiots and then there are FUCKING IDIOTS. Not just fucking idiots mind you, but FUCKING IDIOTS (it is only right that you say it with emphasis and feeling). I classify this particular breed of imbeciles as such because they are devoid of common sense, logic and reasoning. To me it’s truly unsettling that, even in an age of apparent enlightenment, these vexatious enigmas of nature are allowed to propagate. God bless us all.

When I was a boy of about 4 years old, me old man brought home a video cassette with Disney’s Robin Hood recorded on it. The recording was so bad, me dad went out to get the original after 15 minutes of the first play. Needless to say, the original was awesome – then some kid borrowed it and returned a copy of my original – the bastard.

I’m still pretty much in still love with this Disney production and I daresay it’s my favourite. Great humour – I especially like the alliterations used by Prince John and I quickly learned how to use alliterations in daily speech, parroting the script and giving my old folks a headache. On top of that, it has a great soundtrack. My absolute favourite – Oodelally. As I end my day in the office I can’t help but sing, “oo-de-lally, golly what a day”.

Robin Hood and Little John
Walkin’ through the forest
Laughin’ back and forth
At what the other’ne has to say

Reminiscin’, This-’n'-thattin’
Havin’ such a good time
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day

Never ever thinkin’ there was danger in the water
They were drinkin’, they just guzzled it down
Never dreamin’ that a schemin’ sherrif and his posse
Was a-watchin’ them an’ gatherin’ around

Robin Hood and Little John
Runnin’ through the forest
Jumpin’ fences, dodgin’ trees
An’ tryin’ to get away

Contemplatin’ nothin’
But escape an’ fin’lly makin’ it
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day

Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day