Quirks – Looking for a New Home

Quirks

Twitter acquired Posterous around March, 2012. I didn’t think they’d close so soon, I mean what’s the point of an acquisition only to dissolve the newly acquired company? Well, come 30 April, Posterous will go the way of the dodo. I’ve been a pretty active user on Posterous so it’s pretty upsetting news for me.

I am currently looking for a perfect new home for Quirks. So far, nothing has captured my attention. After signing up for an Instagram account, I quickly learned its limitations so Instagram’s a no go and I’m not keen on people reposting my images with Tumblr.

Quirks on Posterous will be available until 30 April 2013 or until it’s moved to a new home – whichever comes first. *Sigh*

Unfortunate Adventures #2 – Go Find Another Table

Whenever I’m alone, I constantly find myself in awkward situations. I’ve decided to call these situations, ‘Unfortunate Adventures’. There have been quite a number of them already – some are funny, some are angst-driven and some are just bizarre. And they’re all true stories – you just can’t make this kinda shit up.

Can’t believe the nerve of some people. Was sitting, enjoying a drink at The Coffee Bean and waiting for the girlfriend to finish her girly business at the waxing parlour when a wild aunty shows up. Before I go on, the place was pretty full of people so this lady asks me if she and her 3 kids could have my table.

Me: So, where do I sit?

Aunty: I don’t know, you find another table lah.

Me: How about, you do that? And you can forget about sharing my table… I like it quiet and clean.

Aunty: So you not going to help? I got children you know…

Me: I don’t care if you have great grand children, you’re ridiculous.

Aunty: So fucking rude!

Me: Well, at least I have a taaaable… *Kuailan smile & waves them away*

They wobbled away looking really bitter and mumbling shite… And me, well I’m still at the table laughing my ass off.

Unfortunate Adventures #1 – Tummy Trouble

Whenever I’m alone, I constantly find myself in awkward situations. I’ve decided to call these situations, ‘Unfortunate Adventures’. There have been quite a number of them already – some are funny, some are angst-driven and some are just bizarre. And they’re all true stories – you just can’t make this kinda shit up.

Today’s adventure is a bizarre one. It began this morning. The alarm rang and I dragged my skinny ass to the toilet to wash up. As soon as I stuck the toothbrush into my mouth I knew something was up with me bowels. My sayang and I had Nando’s for dinner the night before and while it has never caused me any toilet emergencies in the past, I think it could have been the cause. Well, I brushed the thought aside as soon as I thought about it and continued with my morning wash.

The drive to the office wasn’t pleasant and the unpleasantries began to escalate as I got nearer. Once I got to the office I offloaded some foul shit – the kind that’s illegal to talk or write about. Needless to say, the smell was something else as well. Regardless, I made three deposits in three and a half hours. Exhausted, I decided to go to the doctor’s and take the afternoon off.

On the drive home, my tummy decided to go ape-shit and I had to make an emergency stop at the Petronas station near SS2. Now I hate public toilets and I can’t conduct my personal business in them – especially petrol stations – but today, in fact, like every other day, I wasn’t about to soil my pants and car. They were at the gates, man! You better let them stinking gophers out!

Anyway, I rushed to the toilet and the lock was a little suspect but I couldn’t hold it in. Throwing caution to the wind, I slammed the door shut and in a blink of an eye, I felt a wave of relief. Now, as I was concluding my malodorous affair with an unfamiliar receptacle, the doors to my temporary palace of solace burst open to reveal a lady, a little on the heavy side, skirt up with nothing – god damned nothing to cover her proverbial cockles! I swear piss would have shot out and hit me right in the face if it weren’t for the smell of my crap wafting up into her nostrils. That and the fact that there was little old me in there.

The shocking and screwed up bit is – she wasn’t abashed about it at all, she actually cursed and slammed the door back shut, mumbling something in some dialect I couldn’t make out. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t pleasant and am thinking it could be a PRC woman.

Yours truly was stunned into silence for the duration of the whole ordeal – I only managed a mousy WTF at the end of it actually. In fact I was so stunned by the sudden intrusion, ghastly sight and blatant accusation that it was somehow my fault I think it may have cured my diarrhoea. Whoops, maybe not…  See ya.

Fucking You, Fucking Me, Fucking Us and Fucking Them

I was doing some business in the WC thinking of an idea for a short story for work. Not only did I manage to get an idea for work, I also manage to come up with the short story you’re about to read in just a bit all because I was getting impatient – business was slow today. However, I must warn you that the story you’re about to read is pure fiction but uses shit loads of explicit language and is pretty crude. Duh…

If you don’t care for that nonsense, hit the jump to read on.

Continue reading

Disney’s Robin Hood – A Blast from the Past

When I was a boy of about 4 years old, me old man brought home a video cassette with Disney’s Robin Hood recorded on it. The recording was so bad, me dad went out to get the original after 15 minutes of the first play. Needless to say, the original was awesome – then some kid borrowed it and returned a copy of my original – the bastard.

I’m still pretty much in still love with this Disney production and I daresay it’s my favourite. Great humour – I especially like the alliterations used by Prince John and I quickly learned how to use alliterations in daily speech, parroting the script and giving my old folks a headache. On top of that, it has a great soundtrack. My absolute favourite – Oodelally. As I end my day in the office I can’t help but sing, “oo-de-lally, golly what a day”.

 

Robin Hood and Little John
Walkin’ through the forest
Laughin’ back and forth
At what the other’ne has to say

Reminiscin’, This-’n’-thattin’
Havin’ such a good time
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day

Never ever thinkin’ there was danger in the water
They were drinkin’, they just guzzled it down
Never dreamin’ that a schemin’ sherrif and his posse
Was a-watchin’ them an’ gatherin’ around

Robin Hood and Little John
Runnin’ through the forest
Jumpin’ fences, dodgin’ trees
An’ tryin’ to get away

Contemplatin’ nothin’
But escape an’ fin’lly makin’ it
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day

Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day